


When I Look At You, When I Look At Us

by The_Marron



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: 5+1 Things, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Introspection, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-31
Updated: 2018-02-28
Packaged: 2018-11-07 06:36:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11053368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Marron/pseuds/The_Marron
Summary: 5 Times someone was jealous of Andrew & Neil's relationship + one time Neil was jealous of others.A short look at how people perceive Andrew and how Neil upset their dynamics with him





	1. Chapter 1

**1.Nicky**

At first Neil was just a pretty face. It seems harsh, but frankly, during their first encounter Nicky was less interested in the depths of Neil's psyche and more interested in his looks and availability on the market. Not that he would necessarily cheat on Erik with the first handsome guy that came his way, but he liked to keep his options open. Neil was disappointing in that regard, but he was so adorable that Nicky forgave him instantly.

The poor bastard could use a friendly face, Nicky thought as they drove to Columbia for the first time, fully aware of what Andrew's interest meant. Neil would probably hate them for it forever, but Nicky learned quickly that there was no use in arguing with Andrew. In fact, there was also no reason, too. Despite his general airs of a flirty goofball, Nicky wasn't dumb. Though he could never claim to understand what was going on in his cousin's head, he knew one thing for sure - Andrew knew how to protect people. And he learned the hard way that sometimes overdoing it was a better option than not doing anything at all. So he let Andrew be with his methods and allowed himself to pity Neil and to mourn any prospects of widening their social circle.

It was not that he hated his cousins, he even learned to tolerate Kevin and his intensity, it was just... He missed talking to people. While Aaron and Andrew were content to keep to themselves and ignore the rest of the team, save maybe for Renee, Nicky liked people. He liked even these particular people, if he was to be honest with himself. If it was up to him, he would merge the two groups and simply have fun. He was still young, after all. 

Yet both of his cousins were against anything resembling social relations and Nicky could understand. Neither of them ever profited from letting people in, and as their warden, and their friend, he was willing to stick with them and accept them as they were.

Maybe that's why he was so surprised when Andrew started doing things just because Neil _asked_. It was beyond his comprehension, and sometimes, in his darkest moments, when he was alone, he allowed himself to be bitter about it. Why would Andrew change for Neil when he wouldn't for Nicky? It wasn't that he didn't like Neil, far from it, yet the boy was an ousider. An outsider who breathed lies and who clearly despised Andrew. Why was he the one to reach him?

Sometimes Nicky blamed himself. Maybe he was the one who didn't try enough. Maybe he couldn't understand Andrew because he never made an attempt? Maybe instead of trying to somehow mold him into a normal person, he should have just accepted that Andrew was the way he was and simply work around it?  At the same time, he knew he did try. He stayed loyal, he sided with them not out of fear of Andrew, as he usually claimed, but because of belief. He put his life on hold for both of the twins and all he got in return were cutty remarks, threats and loneliness... 

Aaron, though easier to talk to, was no help at all. 

"I think Andrew is just impressed with Josten's stupidity. Providing, of course, that he can actually feel anything, he is probably thrilled with the fact that someone doesn't cower before him." he replied when Nicky asked him about their strange understanding. It didn't help Nicky at all, quite the contrary. So it was his fault, he was too boring for Andrew to look at him? To nice to be listened to? It was true, there were moments he was scared of his cousin, but he has actually seen him beat the life out of four men. Anyone would be scared. 

The only possible solution Nicky's mind constantly drived at was that he wasn't important. That he couldn't influence Andrew in any way because he didn't matter enough, and that hurt. That hurt a lot. Because despite all of the emotional baggage they brought with them and all the shitty things they have done, the twins were his family. They were important enough to come to Palmetto and devote everything into making their lives tiny bit easier. And yet, when his mother finally extended the olive branch he so waited for, Andrew agreed to come not for his sake. Of course not. It was for Neil. At this point, Nicky accepted that with resignation, allowing himself to be hyper and excited because of what the dinner might result in. The possibility of reconcilation pushed the bitterness away.

As horrible as it sounded, he got a wake up call after that damned dinner at his parents'. If his father knew... If he ignored... And Andrew had to suffer still because Nicky's father refused to believe him... It was a wonder that Andrew could stand the sight of Nicky at all. Not only that, he actually came to the same house in which his plea for help has been disregarded and... This couldn't be attributed to Neil at all. It was all on Nicky, not even trying to understand why Andrew hated the Hemmicks so much. 

"He doesn't hate them for what they did to him. He hates them for what they did to you." Neil said to him, and Nicky tried his best not to break down in the middle of the living room. How could he know? Andrew has never said a single kind thing to him, and yet...

Andrew's return from Easthaven changed everything. When sober, he was terrifying and Nicky didn't know what could he possibly want when he ordered Nicky to stay behind. He told Andrew everything that has happened, omitting the thrill of getting together with the rest of the team, the easy companionship they had. He was wiser now, more aware of the fact that Andrew's silences were filled with many things Nicky didn't perceive before. If Andrew was hard to understand then, now he was unreadable. He didn't even ask about Neil's face, about his bruises. Nothing. Seemingly, he didn't care.

Nicky was ready to go back to his room and finally breathe a little easier now that Andrew was back, when he heard it.

"What about you?" It was possibly the first time Andrew asked him about his well-being without a mocking undertone to it.

"Me? I'm alright, as always!" he replied, in the most cheerful tone he could muster, his mind instinctively going back to his usual attitude, too puzzled at the question to even name what he was feeling at the moment.

Andrew just stared at him in silence

It was unsettling, the scrutiny. He almost missed the times when Andrew would address him with nothing but sarcasm and mockery

"Will you still miss them now?"

Nicky pondered on the meaning of this question and when he finally arrived at one, he was overcame with a rush of affection for Andrew. It was horrible, it was painful, it was definitely not normal, but this sentence told him the most important thing he needed.

Andrew cared.

And not only about Neil, Kevin, or Aaron.

He cared about Nicky, in his own, fucked up way. 

He mattered. 

He spent the rest of the night telling everything to Erik, not even bothering with hiding his tears.


	2. Chapter 2

**2\. Kevin**

 

Kevin still wondered about being called Andrew's friend. He never argued whenever someone addressed him as such and he didn't really mind, but there was something off about the term, as if it wasn't quite fitting. 

He had no time to spend on analyzing their relationship, he was too busy, and frankly, too afraid to think about something else than Exy or Riko. Yet since thinking about Riko irrevocably led to thinking about Andrew, there were times when he caught himself doimg just that. Analyzing.

Andrew wasn't Kevin's friend. He was his shield. His only protection against the Moriyamas and still there were times when Kevin doubted even that. How could one man stand against the power that was Riko and his underlings? Since the first time they met, Andrew was less than impressed with Riko. He wasn't afraid. He was _dismissive_. It seemed unreal whenever Kevin thought about it, to watch for Andrew jeer at Riko, to threaten him personally and see Riko's outraged expression that was not followed by any action. Even Riko Moriyama was powerless against the presence of Andrew Minyard. Kevin had been so impressed then, after their first encounter, he allowed himself to hope...

And he wasn't disappointed. No matter how unlikely it seemed at the very beginning, Kevin was still here, at Palmetto. Still playing. Still running, but alive, alive and better than he has ever been, and it was all thanks to Andrew. 

Despite what the team thought of him, he could be grateful. He knew that without the Minyards he would not have survived for so long, and he wouldn't be playing Exy as he wanted. He knew that. But that really didn't make him their friend. They co-existed, keeping to themselves, and while Kevin shared almost everything, every little detail from his wretched past at Edgar Allen, Andrew never returned the courtesy. Neither did Aaron, for that matter. And Kevin wasn't interested enough to ask. He didn't care about their personal problems, he didn't care about their history, his only interest was in whether they could keep him safe. They did. So he followed their lead, allowed himself to be practically controlled by Andrew and didn't complain. 

Andrew resented him for it, he knew, but it was that much easier to just give the reins over to someone else, to worry about Exy and nothing else. 'Co-dependent', Betsy called him and he didn't argue. He never had the chance to learn self-reliance. First he was Riko's, now he was Andrew's. Except that Andrew protected him instead of hurting, and that made all the difference in the world, it was better than everything he could dream of. Play Exy and let Andrew deal with his life. It was perfect.

*

"You are his friend, don't you feel better now that he is getting help he so needed?" Betsy asked on one of their sessions after Andrew's trip to Easthaven.

If she were a reporter, his answer would be a heated 'yes'. But she wasn't, and lying during his own therapy would be counter-productive. If he was forced to spend his time here, he should use it.

"No. He should be here."

"With you?" She pressed, not chiding him, just inquiring. 

"Yes. He promised me."

"And when he made you the promise, did you know what situation he was in?"

No. Why would he ask? He wanted to know if Andrew could protect him, if he was aggressive, strong, and crazy enough to even try. He told her as much.

"Then it seems obvious why you didn't ask." She simply replied and let the conversation to move back to Kevin. It was better to talk about his fears than about Andrew.

Yet that particular sentence remained in his memory for a long time. What did she mean by that? He knew how shrinks worked, she wasn't there to tell him anything, she was there to ask the right questions that would allow him to find answers of his own, but this? This was confusing. It would be better if she had just plainly accused him of being inadequate as a friend. He could work with being called a selfish asshole. He was one, after all.  But that was something else.

*

After Neil went to Edgar Allen, it finally occured to him. He worried about Neil, he asked him not to go, he didn't want Neil to suffer. And yet with Andrew... Why wasn't he that worried for Andrew? And then it hit him. Neil was human. So Kevin cared.

But Andrew? In Kevin's eyes he was untouchable. He was more than a man. He didn't suffer, he didn't feel fear or pain. He couldn't, not if he was to stand between Moriyamas and Kevin. The Columbia incident was an unpleasant wake up call. That Andrew was only human after all. Even though Kevin didn't ask, even though he didn't allow himself to see Andrew as a person, he still was just that. It was horrifying. 

Andrew as an idea, as a fearless bodyguard, as a man who wanted to feel, that man was a constant. But who would return from Easthaven? People changed, what if everything Kevin knew about Andrew stopped being true? What would happen to their deal? Would Andrew decide that he was done with watching Kevin try to convince him to feel anything for Exy, would he suddenly see that Kevin had nothing to offer? Would he realize that he was just human too, would he run while he still could, to save what was left from his psyche?

And just like that, his fear for Neil was easily overshadowed by the worry about Andrew's therapy. It was all he could talk about with Betsy and though she didn't say it, he knew this wasn't the progress in his relationship with Andrew she'd been hoping for. He pressed on. 

*

Andrew's return was possibly the most reoccuring nightmare he had these days, Riko long forgotten. It didn't make much sense, Riko was the reason Kevin even bothered with Andrew in the first place. But being abandoned by Andrew, that was the most terrifying horror his brain could conjure, it seemed.

When he shared this with Betsy, she simply nodded, once again giving no support and no answer whatsoever.

And then Andrew Minyard came back. He was... different. And has not said a word to Kevin for almost a day. He talked with Nicky, Kevin knew, and had been updated on everything he had missed, yet still didn't come to check on him. He talked to Neil, though. He didn't come to Kevin at all. But he was still there. Silent and unaffected, but here. 

In a roundabout way, sobriety made him even more inhuman and untouchable than he was before. Kevin could work with that. 

Finally, Andrew went back to their own routine of shadowing Kevin everywhere he went and silently keeping guard. All was well. 

Except for when it wasn't. Throughout the whole Columbia mess, the Ravens' training and sudden integration with the rest of the team, the strange relationship between Neil and Andrew skipped his mind. 

He was forcefully reminded of it after Neil's come back from Butcher's clutches. Throughout all of his experience with the Foxes, no one was allowed to hit him, even teasingly. No one until Neil. And when he was threatened with a knife for disagreeing with Neil's irresponsible plans for a get away it was hard not to see that something has changed for good. 

This was something new. This was a threat. _Neil_ was a threat. He knew that he and Andrew had some deal of their own, but he never even considered that whatever they had might trump his own deal with the goalie. Who would he protect when Riko came after both Neil and Kevin? Who would be his priority?

It wasn't fair, especially since Neil didn't need Andrew's protection, he's said as much and he was... he was different. He defied Riko on national television all by himself, he willingly went to Edgar Allen and lived to tell the tale, he was more than a survivor. He was a goddamn miracle. He shouldn't take Kevin's only hope away, no matter his reasons. 

As he kept on observing the two of them, it still didn't make any sense. What the two of them saw in each other, Kevin couldn't tell. They were too different, too broken to work. And yet, whenever he looked at them, he couldn't help but feel envious. 

They had an understanding, it seemed, an understanding that went deeper than Kevin's bargain with Andrew. And they were not... co-dependent. Maybe that was why Andrew chose Neil. Neil could stand on his own, he could fight for his life and for Exy without Andrew's help. In this particular relationship Andrew wasn't _needed ._ He was wanted, and maybe that made all the difference. Andrew has always despised Kevin's lack of spine, but didn't care enough to force him to change. Or maybe he didn't want to become yet another person to shape Kevin to his wishes.

 

 *

"I don't know what to do now." He finally confessed to the Coach, as he invited himself over for a drink. It was hard to think about him as 'father', even though he was the most important authority in Kevin's life. 

"What do you mean?" It was a good sign that Wymack didn't turn him away with the usual spiel of personal matters being beyond his paygrade.Maybe he would be of some help.

"Without Andrew I have nothing. I will be dead before the finals." Wymack just sent him an impatient look. It crossed his mind that saying such things in the face of his newly announced father might be somehow insensitive, byt the Coach looked thankful for that. He has a much harder time adjusting that he had let everyone to see, it seemed.

"You are a drama queen. Stop acting like a jolted ex and get to work. Andrew spoilt you too much."

"If Riko comes after Neil...!" Wymack cut him off before he could finish.

"Then Neil will deal with him on his own. Possibly by dragging him on a national TV." After a sip of beer, Wymack continued, "I know it is shocking news, but Minyard is not a crutch you can use until you retire."

"He promised me!" Kevin knew he sounded panicked, and truthfully, he was and he didn't care about his image at all. Not now.

"And you promised him something to care about. From what I can see he made better on his word."

"I gave him Neil." Here Wymack shook his head, as if he was dealing with a particularly dense kid. Kevin had way too much whiskey at this point to take offence.

"You gave him nothing. Neil came to him on his own. I know, I saw them before. Whatever happened to them, had nothing to do with you. You are just a collateral."

That gave Kevin a pause. It was harsh, but as much as he wanted to argue, he couldn't. How long before Andrew realized that Kevin cannot deliever? Will he keep on waiting? At this moment Kevin would love to be Neil, to know how Andrew's mind worked. Or maybe how Neil managed to hold his ground do vehemently. Maybe he would be content to be simply one of them, strong and sure...

"They have left me behind." He finally whispered. He didn't hear Wymack move, but he felt his hand on his shoulder.

"No. You willingly stayed behind. Time to catch up. Or to stop competing at all." To stop would mean... It would be the end of Exy for him, end of everythig he dreamed of. End of him.

At this short moment he hated them both. For being worse off than he has ever been and yet moving on. For surviving. For being strong enough to tolerate him. For having each other.

*

It grew in him, with every day, with every moment he looked at them and saw his own weakness. Saw how much he needed them and how unlike them he was.

And then, when he finally staggered back to his room barely conscious and with his cheek burning as hell under the new shape of the Queen, the first thought he had as he spotted them waiting for him, was that he didn't feel hate at all.

As he took in Neil's delighted, hopeful expression and Andrew's silent, yet forceful approval, he couldn't bring himself to hate them, quite the contrary.

He was so fucking grateful that he had them both in his life. He had Wymack, he had a team that could and would face the Ravens tomorrow, and he had them. Two self-destructive assholes that allowed him to live and taught him to fight for his courage.

When Neil and Andrew finally put him in his bed, he simply had to share.

"You are good friends, you know? We will die tomorrow with our heads high and I want you to know..." he lost his thought there, unable to voice foreign concepts of affection. With Thea it was easier. She was a Raven, she lived through the same. Felt the same uncertainity. She didn't need words. But them? They understood each other so well, could they understand him? 

Andrew's silent snort did not give him a definite answer.

"It surprises me too, Kevin. But we are. Friends, after all of this. It's more than I imagined myself to ever have." Neil whispered, and if Kevin had been in a better shape, he might have been touched by the raw honesty of it.

As he was, he simply let his eyes drift close and listen to their steps heading for the door. Not bothering with waiting until they leave the room, he finally voiced correct words.

"Thank you." 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right, thank you all for your support, your kudos made my day!
> 
> Since I had a lot of time and some ideas, the second chapter came rather quickly. Will the third be tomorrow? Not likely, but I will try my best to post new chapters regularly. Ot at least, frequently.
> 
> As for Kevin - I adore him as a character and find him fascinating, so what I was aiming to do here is to show that since he was brought up the way he was he has trouble with connecting to people and caring for them, because he was used to being the only person that looked out for him. Andrew was somehow an easy answer for his troubles, and he just grew attached in the meantime :-) Aaaand I wanted to do a Wymack- Kevin talk
> 
> Tell me.what you think and see you in chapter third, Aaron :D


	3. Chapter 3

**3\. Aaron**

He wouldn't have survived all of this without Katelyn. She was the only one who listened, the only one normal enough to be appaled at Andrew. The only one to see Aaron through his borther's shadow.

Because despite their heated comments, their animosity and sometimes even fear, the whole team looked up to Andrew. They probably didn't know it, couldn't see it, but they were almost glad that they had their own pet monster. And they respected him, in a way.

A courtesy not extended to Aaron. He was 'the normal one' in their books and he took the burnt of their disappointment. Since Andrew was crazy, Aaron should be approachable, right? 

"You know they don't think that. They accept you." Katelyn told him after one of their impromptu movie nights. Aaron hated those, he hated the illusion of normalcy, the crowd, the noise. Andrew's absence.

But it gave him an opportunity to just sit with Katelyn outside the privacy of her room, after they've kicked out her roomate. It was relaxing not to hide, to simply stay close to her in the plain view and not worry about her getting maimed by his psychotic brother. But it also meant paying attention to the rest of the Foxes. He almost missed Andrew and how he would keep them away from the rest of these simpletons with nothing but just his presence.

"I don't care about their acceptance. I want them to leave me alone and stop pretending that by talking to me they are doing me a favour. _I_ don't want to talk to them. It's not like Andrew forbade me." He knew he was practically shouting now and Katelyn shot him a worried look.

"Well... He has quite a presence, and since they don't know you, it is understandable they would assume that he did."

"I'm not a fucking princess in a tower waiting for a rescue from the dragon. He doesn't own me!"

"Doesn't he?" It was quiet, but it was there. He hated when she got like that. He couldn't exactly tell her why he kept their relationship a secret, couldn't explain everything. And she accepted it, most of the time. But then there were times like this, when she was... Angry. Defeated. It made him despise his twin even more.

He told her so and her expression shifted into compassion.

"It would be much easier for you if you truly hated him."

He didn't argue.

*

From the moment he learned of Andrew's existence he yearned for his affection. He was a kid then, he could admit to believing that his brother was better off, that he would do something, save him... Or maybe simply understand. That he would have someone to support him and to keep him company.

Andrew did neither. He outright asked him to stop writing, refused to meet him. It hurt more than it should have, to be rejected by a boy he had never met. If he only let the matter rest...

He didn't think much of the promise this boy that looked like him made. It was uncanny, to look at his own face staring at him dispassionately, making reassurances that no woman shall ever hurt him. It was impossible, but he wanted to believe. He wanted to trust Andrew. Giving up everything and sticking with him didn't sound like a price he couldn't pay.

And then his mother ended up dead with Andrew in the car. He wanted to believe it was just a crash, an accident. But Andrew sending him out, convincing him to swap places... The bruises he could see on his twin's body as the police took their statements, or rather shouted questions at an unresponsive Andrew, they looked too familiar.

His supposed saviour, his own brother took away the only person Aaron has ever loved.

And then he forced him into the hell of the rehab, not even gracing him with any explanation.

It was the end of his dream of having a brother. But a deal was a deal. He never understood why Andrew wanted him close out of a sudden, and after his mother's funeral he stopped asking any questions. Andrew wouldn't reply and even if he did, Aaron was sure he wouldn't like the answer.

Nicky tried to make them get along for a while, as their official guardian, but his attempts were rather irritating and not effective. It didn't take Aaron long to realize how Nicky wanted Andrew's approval. He talked to Aaron more, true, they played games, went shopping and even watched movies together, but whenever it was the three of them, Nicky would automatically seek out Andrew, for opinion, for contact, for anything.

Then Kevin arrived. Aaron has abandoned his quest for understanding or even knowing his brother's story, so he had to guess when and how the two have met. Kevin was something new. Andrew suddenly seemed interested. He was almost obsessive, and Kevin seemed happy with the attention. Aaron couldn't stand him. 

Despite Katelyn's suggestions, he didn't care that his brother seemed to have a better relationship with a stranger than with him. Kevin simply annoyed him as a person.

He got used to him, though. He had to. Andrew kept his circle close, like a manic shepherd dog. And aside from Aaron, no one seemed to be intersted in leaving. It pissed him off. Kevin's submission strenghtened Andrew's resolve, it seemed. And it gave their new team, the Foxes reasons to simply roll with how disfunctional Andrew was. He was important, he governed Kevin.

And Aaron? Aaron was _the other twin._

Not that he cared for their opinions or approval. It simply pissed him off, this acceptance of Andrew.

*

If he thought he knew hate when he met Kevin, he was quickly corrected.

He loathed Neil Josten. The boy was a fucking lie, Aaron could see and didn't care, but in Andrew's eyes it made him special. He knew by now about Andrew's deal with Kevin, so their relationship almost made sense. But Andrew's interest in Josten? Unexplainable.

It got worse when the kid started to influence Andrew. To _talk_ to him. No one talked to Andrew. Even Aaron, not for a very long time. And yet.

Like a moth to a flame, the newbie gravitated towards Andrew. Why? Aaron couldn't tell. 

"You don't want people to bother you. So why do you keep complaining that they don't?" Katelyn asked him at some point and he couldn't answer.

He didn't want the people. He didn't want attention. Not from them.

Maybe he wanted to feel strong. Maybe, if people feared him as they feared Andrew, he wouldn't feel the way he felt know. Maybe, he wouldn't need Andrew to feel safe.

*

Paradoxically, killing Drake made him feel even worse. To suddenly see what was Andrew's life before their meeting, to see him so vulnerable and still alive, still standing...

Aaron killed Drake, but Andrew survived him. And his concern... He was barely conscious, but he kept on repeating Aaron's name, checking him... caring? Andrew never seemed to care, but as they took him away to Easthaven, Aaron for the first time in a while felt the need to talk to him, to ask... To somehow get through it together.

But Andrew was gone without even saying goodbye and the need for him subsided and familiar anger took its place.

*

Andrew came back and it was as if he didn't see Aaron anymore. He killed for him, was still waiting for his trial and Andrew had nothing to say to him. As if he mattered even less than before.

That's why it was unreal, how quickly Andrew moved towards Allison when she struck him. Aaron did not see that one coming. He was as shocked as he had been at the Hemmicks', seeing his brother finally taking his eyes off Josten and Kevin and looking a him, Aaron.

Andrew's words didn't make any sense. His easy admittance of his mother's murder didn't either. All of it didn't make sense, but the last thing he needed was Josten explaining this to him. Aaron was Andrew's fucking brother, he should know him best. But he didn't. Andrew never let him come so close. 

*

Josten turning Katelyn against him was the final straw. He could understand Josten's infatuation or whatever he had with his brother, but getting Katelyn mixed into it... That was too much.

Andrew taking Josten's side was nothing new. He hated them both. 

He let this hate out in his and Andrew's shared sessions with the shrink. She asked rather banal questions and Aaron wanted to lie or to keep quiet, to just pretend he was trying, so that Katelyn would come back. But finally, at the third session Andrew started responding to him and not to her, and it was a shock to the system. They were talking about their current relationship, mostly living arrangement, but he finally acknowledged Aaron's presence.

"Why did you kill her?"Aaron finally asked during their fifth meeting. Andrew just gave him a bored look.

"You are not dumb. Nor deaf. You heard me the first time."

The shrink made some encouraging gesture, and Aaron found himself complying.

"I need to hear it once again. Without Josten's interference."

Andrew turned to him and simply stared. It was as if he saw Aaron for the first time. Or maybe it was the first time Aaron felt that he was being seen. It was... new.

"I killed her, because I warned her what would happen to her if she raised her hand again. You had some kind of attachement to her. So I warned her. She ignored it."

"She hit you, not me!"

"In her mind she was hitting you. She couldn't tell the difference between the child she raised for years and the one she saw for the third time in her life. She was hitting you. I just took the bruises." Aaron couldn't reply. He had no idea how. Andrew's eyes were not bored anymore. Aaron couldn't deal with what he saw in them.

Thankfully, the session was over.

He found his voice on the next one. 

"Why did you promise to protect me? You hate me." Andrew didn't even spare him a look at this point. Whatever he was going through during their last talk, disappeared completely.

"You are projecting. It's not me who hates you. It's you who hates me." Aaron stopped himself from punching him and concentrated on the conversation. 

"You didn't answer me."

Andrew shot a quick glance at Betsy. Aaron saw her each week, he could deal with using her name, even in his thoughts.

She gave him an expectant look. Throughout their sessions she kept mostly silent now, allowing them to pick the topic of conversation. Occasionally, she would ask questions or make redundant gestures, like she did now. 

"You were my responsibility." And that was all they got from him until the end of the meeting. 

Andrew left first and Aaron wanted to follow, but Betsy stopped him.

"It might be not very professional of me, but I think you might have missed it. Andrew won't allow himself to acknowledge the fact that he cares. He prefers to call his feelings 'responsibility'. It sounds more logical and less passionate. It sounds like it can't affect him."

He wanted to tell her to shut up. She was an outsider. It was none of her business, and frankly, he was done with 'Andrew is this way'. If he wanted Aaron to know he was important, he should say so. His issues were not Aaron's problem. Both of them should work on this relationship. It was Andrew's turn to learn how to talk.

And yet, somehow, it meant a lot.

*

And then Aaron found out about Andrew and Josten. From the Foxes. Just when they were finally making progress, when Andrew... Finally looked at him. 

Josten. Of course it was fucking Josten. Aaron couldn't explain his rage at the kid, but he couldn't forget Josten's shocked face as they both entered the room to see Andrew with Drake. The way his obsession with Andrew grew since he came back. How annoyingly confident he was in his claims that Aaron was obtuse, while Andrew was perfectly logical.

Josten was fucked up alright. And Andrew preferred him. Big deal. Maybe it really was just hate-sex, as Nicky said. It was disgusting, but plausible. They weren't sickingly sweet like Wilds and Boyd... Maybe there was nothing there. Just their little world of their own. Fuck them.

*

He was angry, so angry that he couldn't speak to Andrew on their next session after their return. Why would he let Josten so close? What did he see in the runaway? Why did he open up enough for Josten to talk about Andrew's _feelings_?

He didn't know, but his anger made him accuse Andrew of breaking the deal. Josten was a violation, it was so satisfactory to say it. Andrew looked almost angry, and for a while Aaron reveled in it. He made Andrew feel.

But then he realized, it wasn't him. It was Josten. Again.

*

He got to keep Katelyn.

He could move out from Andrew's room.

He could get away, finally.

And yet, he found himself hating Josten even more.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right, so this might be a right moment to say that I actually like Aaron? Like, a lot? So yeah, he is an asshole here, just like Kevin in the previous chapter, but he has no reason to be anything else and we love him anyway?
> 
> He too, just wants to have a brother.
> 
> This is what I adore about 'All For the Game' series, that the characters are not idealized and nice, they are freaking survivours of their own personal hell and are pretty much unapologetic about it.
> 
> Next on: Riko
> 
> And please, talk to me a little? This chapter was written on a phone, so typos and timeline errors might have happened. Let me know!


	4. Chapter 4

**4\. Riko**

The first time Riko saw Andrew Minyard, he was almost amazed.

True, it had been on a tape and Riko was well aware that coaches sending the tapes usually chose the best shots that highlighted the players fortes, but still, what he had seen was amazing. He has never seen someone so impressive in the goal.

The things the Ravens could do with such a player guarding their scores… He couldn’t and didn’t want to hide his excitement, his dream team becoming more real with every minute. True, Wesninski was no longer with them, but Jean was a very decent replacement. With Kevin by his side, with Jean behind them and with Minyard behind them… They would make more than the Court. They would become legends. Ichirou would become ‘Riko Moriyama’s brother’ in the newspapers. They would have it all.

He wasn’t quite prepared for Minyard to be as short as he was. Or that rude.

“Fuck off.” That was the only thing he had said to him. Riko was shocked for a moment.

“Don’t you know who we are? Who I am?” He finally managed, more shocked than angry at that point.

“Should I? It wouldn’t change my answer.” Riko glanced at Kevin who looked as shocked as Riko felt. Though there was something off with his expression, but Riko ignored it then, too caught up in his own surprise.

“I am Riko Moriyama!” He felt somewhat childish saying that, yet it usually solved any problems. If he was waiting for the blonde to cower, however, he was disappointed.

“Congratulations. Or condolences, pick one.” And just like that, the guy turned away, clearly bored with the conversation. People begged Riko to even look their way. People wanted to belong to the Ravens, some would think the moment he spoke to them was the best in their life and this… this goalkeeper, ignored him! He was so furious that he missed the moment when Kevin went after Minyard. Riko was not going to lower himself to begging. Minyard was good, but that was all. If he couldn’t appreciate the honor bestowed upon him, it was his problem. They didn’t need such insolent, rude…

He found his feet following Kevin, listening in to the sharp exchange between his friend and Minyard.

“Not interested. “

“But Riko…”

“Grow some spine, Day. Talking to you now is beneath me.” And he left once again, Kevin too stunned to follow. This time, however, Kevin wasn’t even outraged. He was… he looked as if… As if he was admiring Minyard.

Riko decided he hated the dwarf even more.

They were ready to leave, when uncle Tetsuji caught up to them.

“Don’t tell me. He refused?” Riko couldn’t find a voice to answer him. When he raised his head to look at his uncle, his coach, he was met with a cold stare. Tetsuji didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to. Riko heard everything. That he was a disappointment. That he probably wasn’t a Moriyama if one player could refuse him, that maybe he didn’t deserve the number one he wore so proudly on his cheek.

He was grateful for Kevin’s terrified expression he caught when Tetsuji finally moved away. It was easier to concentrate on Kevin’s terror, on his weakness.

“Pull yourself together. “ Kevin startled and moved away from him. Riko relished in that. Kevin knew he was a Moriyama. He acted accordingly. All was well. Reassured, Riko could come back to watching his uncle pestering the unruly goalkeeper. Riko didn’t want him anymore, but would greatly appreciate the opportunity to break him completely when he finally came to Edgar Allen. Riko had a wonderful memory and even greater imagination. He would thank Minyard accordingly for today’s humiliation.

Neither he nor Kevin had any need to come closer to Tetsuji, so they had no idea what he was saying to Minyard, but the blonde was finally quiet. Riko felt a little triumphant. Moriyamas never lost.

The greater was his surprise when Tetsuji paled at whatever Minyard snapped back and turned away. He probably threatened him, judging from Minyard’s amused expression –to no avail. This was unprecedented, at least in Riko’s experience.

He didn’t know what to do. Kevin went stiff with fear next to him and Riko was suddenly well aware that this won’t end well for him tonight.

The panic didn’t stop him from feeling something like hope.

Was it hope? Maybe amazement? Excitement?

He didn’t know. Yet it felt incredible, to see his uncle fail where Riko himself did. Even Tetsuji was not enough for Minyard.

The training session and subsequent beating he took from his uncle put the whole business and Minyard’s name away from Riko’s mind for good.

It was his mistake.

He should’ve paid more attention to Kevin that day.

He had seen someone stand up to a Moriyama and live to tell the tale. What was a curious event for Riko , for Kevin meant something else entirely.

As Riko guided Kevin’s hands through his bruises that night, demanding to bandage them properly so that he could play the next day, he should have talked to him. Should have told him that Minyard would pay in due time. He didn’t.

He just wanted to sleep and forget.

*

Riko wasn’t really surprised when he learned that Kevin joined the Palmetto mess of the team with Minyard in his tow. He had almost forgot about the goalkeepers existence, but he kept tabs on Kevin’s whereabouts and Minyard’s name started popping up. It didn’t take long until he had recalled why this name infuriated him. So that was it. Kevin saw him mouth off to Tetsuji once and decided that Minyard could protect him? Laughable.

He would be back before he put his foot on a court. Even Kevin wasn’t that stupid to believe that one man, one midget could protect him?

Yet the months passed and Kevin hasn’t come back. Good. Then maybe crushing him and his pathetic new bodyguard on the court would be a wonderful way to show Kevin and his new pet dog what happened to people who dreamed of defying a Moriyama.

*

The interview was more unexpected than Riko anticipated.

First, he definitely did not see Wesninski coming. He had his suspicions when he read about him in the papers, but to see him face to face and to watch him mouth off to him, to Riko, to a Moriyama, on television!

The moment the lights went out and he was free to move, he went after them, his mind too caught up with his fury, with sheer disbelief that someone would dare! He caught them and he would happily beat Wesninski to a pulp and look Kevin in the eye and see them widen with the realization that he was next… He loved the extent of power he still had over Kevin. He always did.

He didn't even land the second hit.

Minyard.

He forgot the forceful presence of the man. He had a manic grin on his face, a result of his medicine, Riko knew. It didn’t make him less threatening. If asked, he could not explain why Minyard had this effect on him. Riko knew how to hurt. He knew how to fight back. He ensured his position in the team himself, he knew how to break people if he had to.

But looking into Minyard's eyes, it suddenly didn’t matter. Everything Riko could do, everything he knew. Lost its meaning in the face of this sheer malicious power. He had no fear, no weakness and Riko was suddenly defenseless.

For the first time in his life, he understood, for this short moment, how anyone could feel safe with Minyard beside him.

That night, in his room, alone and hurting, he allowed himself to wonder.

Would Minyard be able to protect him too?

He immediately squashed the thought and forced himself to forget.

He hated Andrew Minyard.

*

The gala went worse than Riko expected. He made his team do an extensive research on the background of every member of the Foxes, so that they would be prepared to crush them to the ground. Or maybe just provoke a fight. The details his uncle found on Minyard, Riko saved for himself. Just in case.

Minyard was as careless as before, mocking Jean and generally ignoring the danger the Ravens posed. Riko hated him. But he hated Wesninski even more. How did he manage to change so much? Why wasn’t he afraid?

Kevin, Kevin was predictable. Kevin was Riko’s. Wesninski should be too. Yet somehow… Was it because Minyard got to him first?

He had no explanation beside this one, he was the only one, the only one stupid enough… He had to be dealt with. Time to make use of his data.

*

From the look on Nathaniel’s face, he knew he had won. Drake was the best bet. Riko didn’t know the details, but from the pure hatred he could see, he assumed it wasn’t pretty. Did Minyard cry? Did he break down? Did he finally realize that he was just a stupid human, did he regret ever crossing Riko?

He wanted to ask, he wanted to know. Did Minyard figure it out, did he do his math, did he know that it was Riko? Riko certainly hoped he did.

Yet his triumph disappeared quickly. Puzzlement took its place.

Why would Wesninski sacrifice his own well-being for the midget? If his source of strength was that damned goalkeeper, why would he protect him? Shouldn’t he run for his life, beg for mercy?

Kevin would.

Why Wesninski won’t? He wanted to shout at him, to make him realize that his guard dog was broken and tortured as they spoke, that no one would come to save Nathaniel. Minyard wouldn’t be able to save himself.

But no.

He would relish in Nathaniel’s suffering, his stupid, unfounded hope. He would see him break. He would witness the moment Nathaniel realizes that no one can protect him from a Moriyama.

Even damned Andrew Minyard.

*

Riko couldn’t understand.

Why did Wesninski come back to the Foxes even more defiant than before?

It started to make sense when he learned that Minyard has returned as well, or at least that’s what Jean said.

Jean was stupid.

Minyard should be more broken than ever. He should be a quivering mess, unable to function. Riko paid a lot of money to ensure that. And yet… When he watched their games, when he looked at the tapes… Somehow Minyard became even more terrifying. His stupid grin long gone, cold boredom taking its place.

Why was he stronger?

After everything… Everything Riko could throw at him, why wasn’t he more afraid? He knew what Riko was capable of and he still wasn’t impressed?

And what was his deal with Nathaniel? It was palpable even while watching the match from afar, how conscious the two were of each other. Minyard kept his watch over Kevin as well, but Kevin’s eyes only sought him when he needed reassurance. Wesninski however… He simply looked at Minyard, as if he was something to behold. Maybe he too, wondered why Minyard wasn’t broken. It was the only explanation Riko could find.

The two of them didn’t make sense.

Kevin was easy. When Minyard was gone, he latched onto Nathaniel and onto Wymack and he fooled himself into believing that that would be enough. When Minyard returned as tough as ever, Kevin stayed. With Minyard and Nathaniel gone, he would be back to where Riko wanted him. He was sure of it. He knew Kevin.

He owned him.

*

After Jean was taken Riko was gone for a week.

He couldn’t remember much. Just pain. He could remember the images of his father… Of a man he saw only on the television, telling Riko how he was unworthy of his attention. It was not a memory, couldn’t have been, because Riko has never seen his father personally, yet it felt so real… He could recall later something about his uncle leaving and then coming back, he could remember…

He wasn’t hit. He was sure of that, there were no bruises, no cuts, yet he was hurting all over the place and couldn’t recall what happened. It was his fault that Jean was taken. His fault that the director entered the Nest.

He remembered that.

He remembered that vividly.

He remembered someone telling him so, though it didn’t sound like uncle Tetsuji… It sounded like his own voice.

He remembered Coach coming back.

Then nothing.

Just the pestering thought that Jean was now safe. Taken. Away. Safe. Protected.

When the new wave of pain started, this one accompanied by bruises and cuts, it made sense. It was understandable.

He grounded himself with his hatred for Wesninski and Minyard.

It helped.

*

Their match with the Foxes was another unexpected, unpleasant surprise.

Their previous one was a walk in the park, when their only true opponent was Minyard and he too, could only do so much. If Riko didn’t hate him then, he would start after that game, for the sheer audacity to block him so often. But they had won that match.

This one… This one was different.

It was as if the whole team rose up against them and frankly, this time Riko couldn’t blame Minyard. He blamed Nathaniel. That damned traitor, who left the Nest and sold every move he learned there to his damned team. Him and his insolence, that was what made the Foxes so motivated to win. That bastard allowed their conflict to escalate so that winning with Riko would be a personal goal and revenge for all of the team. He had been played.

And Kevin… Kevin and his cheek… Riko couldn’t look at Kevin at all. Every time he glanced at him and saw the taunting Queen on his skin… It was the greatest reminder of his failure to be a Moriyama.

Even Kevin.

Even he, his partner, his companion, his trusted aide… Even he was defiant now.

It was hard to tell, who was more to blame, Wesninski or Minyard, so Riko would simply kill them both.

He didn’t care about consequences. They had to die.

He relished in the sound of the Foxes uproar when the Ravens crashed Minyard into his own goal.

It didn’t give them the victory, not yet, but it was so damn satisfying. To remind Kevin and Nathaniel that it was just a man. That he could be broken. That he could die. That he _would_ die.

Kevin’s last second goal was the final straw.

Wesninski had to die now.

He should have known that it was too easy.

It was strange, how first he felt the pain and only then he noticed Minyard with his stick ready to strike again.

_Why?_

Why did they protect themselves so fiercely? Why no Raven came to his aid? He was their leader, he was their number one… Yet no one came to protect Riko from Minyard. No one shouted in outrage.

He was taken away on the stretchers, following Minyard with his eyes, as long as he could.

_Why?_

*

This wasn’t how he thought he would finally meet his brother.

To learn that Ichirou had a meeting with Nathaniel before he had even thought to talk with his own brother, that was insulting.

But Riko was too tired and too hurt to feel it. He just wanted to kill Wesninski. He wanted him dead. Preferably so that Minyard and Kevin could see that all of their arrogance didn’t go unnoticed.

Yet Nathaniel didn’t even shiver.

He talked and talked, his back straight and his voice sure.

How?

How could he be so sure while talking to Ichirou? Minyard wasn’t here and even if he was, their illusion of protection would simply shatter…

Yet Nathaniel kept talking.

When Riko heard the cocking of the gun he already knew.

With his last thought, he managed to wonder…

If he ran, had he run… Could he be protected by Minyard too?

There was no answer.

He didn’t even feel the gunshot.

Everything went dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right, so few clarifications:
> 
> 1)I think Riko is a very interesting and abused character, though I'm not a great fan of his. He deserves pity, though. I totally acknowledge the shippy undertones of his relationship with Kevin, but didn't want to go into it since I accept Thea as Kevin's love interest, so if you want to read their relationship here as romantic, feel free, though it was not my intention. 
> 
> 2) I'm in no way saying that Neil was strong only because he met Andrew. I am so invested in him because he did it himself, but I think Riko would have no idea what personal strength is, so he would rationalize Neil and Kevin's behaviour as them feeling protected by Andrew and so relatively safe from Moriyamas. Poor Riko, if you only figured out that YOU can protect yourself...
> 
> 3) My copies of two first volumes of the Foxhole got destroyed (because my fiance sat on my kindle) so there might be some inaccuracies, I deeply apologize if there were, I was writing from memory and mine is not as good as Andrew's...
> 
> 4)I think Riko might be somewhat self-destructive, especially since all the people he vented on were gone, so he hurt himself after Jean was taken by Renee. Just my headcanon. 
> 
> I WANT TO THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR YOUR COMMENTS!!!  
> I was so insecure about my portrayal of Aaron and your responses made me so happy! Seriously, I am so so glad that you are reading this fic and that you tell me that you like it, you have no idea!
> 
> I hope Riko would be to your liking as well!
> 
> Next on: Jack


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there, sorry for the long wait!
> 
> I must thank you for your wonderful comments and for all the nice things I've written about my take on Aaron, really, I feel so appreciated, you guys are awesome!
> 
> This time we go with Jack. He is a semi-canonical character, so I took my liberties with him, hope you don't mind. 
> 
> Enjoy!

**5\. Jack**

Jack always knew he was good at what he did.

No, wait. He always knew what he was good at and did only that. So that everyone would base their opinion of him on his successes, on his strength. No one would mess with him if they thought he had no weaknesses, that he was the toughest player they could come across. It worked. After a while no one bothered or challenged him, he was too good to touch.

After watching the games in high school, excited like everyone else by the Foxes's raise to glory, he already knew that if he were to join them, and he was all for it, he would have no problem with establishing his position there as well. The team was more determined than proficient, although Kevin Day was as always, out of everyone else’s league. Jack wanted to play with Kevin, with the man who was almost like a legend, to bask in other man's glory.

At first, he wanted to play against him, to win and show the world how amazing Jack was, to have beaten the great Kevin Day, but he quickly let go of this notion. He didn’t have enough talent, he realized after watching the Foxes’ game with Ravens. Playing against Kevin, he would lose.

Playing with him, becoming his second in command, that would be strength.

He wasn’t surprised when he was contacted by the Foxes. His material situation qualified him for the team, with his father mostly unconscious and with his mother turning tricks to buy her husband more booze, he was a perfect fit.

To learn that he was chosen by Kevin Day, that was exciting.

He’s made an impression.

Good. In his imagination, he could see himself discussing future games with Kevin, both of them clearly above everyone else, in the world of their own, the world of professionals, of the strong.

When he finally moved to Palmetto to meet the rest of the team, he was already self-assured. There was no one there he could take the place of Kevin’s protégée and Jack was ready to follow him into greatness.

The first players he met were the girls. Wilds, the captain. More skilled on inter-personal level than on the field, he decided after a short talk and dismissed her altogether. She could shout at him all she wanted, she had no skill to back up her authority. Walker. He remembered her as a somewhat disappointing goalkeeper, but she wasn’t that terrible. Just unremarkable. Reynolds pissed him off every time she opened her mouth and she was more aggressive than skilled. No threat here.

He met the other new candidates in the dorms and decided that he actually hated all of them. Wide-eyed and excited to be here, like children. There was one girl that had this glint in her eye whenever someone said anything especially stupid, so maybe not all of them were insufferable. Maybe.

Boyd, Minyard and Hemmick met him on the parking lot and only Minyard did not irritate him with any enthusiastic exclamations. Quite the contrary, he looked as if he despised Jack’s general existence. He wasn’t that good on the field, so Jack didn’t care.

Since he met almost everyone, he assumed that the rest was on the court and for the first time that day, he was actually excited. Finally, he would meet Kevin. Like Kevin and Riko before, now it’d be Jack and Kevin, the most dangerous duet in exy. His heart started to beat faster, adrenaline rushing through his veins.

Finally, finally. It was going to happen, his dreams would come true... He would become the best!

He ignored Boyd and Hemmick during the car ride they offered him and instead rehearsed possible greetings he could utter to show Kevin how adequate he was to become his new partner. He didn't pay any attention to what was happening around him until they left the changing room.

His blood ran cold when he finally entered the court.

Kevin was there, sure. But he wasn’t alone.

He was standing with the goalkeeper, the other Minyard, and with Josten. The mediocre player that caused trouble with the shit he said. For some reason, Jack forgot about him entirely.

“You are all late.” Kevin said and Jack looked behind him. He didn’t notice the rest of the team entering the door behind them. There went his idea of establishing any rapport with Kevin alone. Damn.

“We didn’t want to interrupt your amazing trio session.” Hemmick answered with obvious glee and Jack felt cold yet again.

_What._

Amazing trio? Them? Outrageous. Josten was in no way on Kevin’s level and Minyard… Jack wasn’t sure what exactly he thought about Minyard. He usually ignored goalkeepers because whether the goal enters or not relied on the other players efficiency, but he remembered being impressed by him at some point, because of the impossible shots he’s defended. But to make him an equal to Kevin Day?

No, Hemmick was probably just joking and Jack took it too personally. Yes, that had to be it.

The warm up session was rather unremarkable, the only thing that intrigued him was the fact that Josten despite his position, ran with the goalkeepers. Not that Jack minded, he trailed behind Kevin and did his best to look competent. He knew that compared to the others, he did. But was it enough?

When the actual training started, he was surprised that not only Wilds, but also Josten had something to say. A vice-captain? Josten? _What the fuck?_

He promptly ignored everything the man was saying. He was unworthy of Kevin’s attention, why should Jack listen to him?

He followed the rest to his position and made sure that Kevin was looking. Apparently now the rookies were to show the others what they were made of. Jack could roll with that. They were playing against Walker on the goal with Aaron Minyard and Hemmick on defence. It wasn’t very hard to score and Jack grew bored quickly. With no challenge here, how could he show Kevin how good he was?

And then there was a change of teams.

Walker and Josten came as backliners and the other Minyard entered the goal. Josten whispered something to him on his way, Jack was sure, but Minyard simply gestured him to move on.

Jack decided to ignore the whole exchange. Kevin was still outside of the court, watching them all.

The game started.

After ten minutes, Jack was dead on his feet. They couldn’t get anything past the backliners, and when they actually did, Jack was almost taken down by the sheer force of Minyard’s throw. When he risked a look at Kevin, he noticed the smirk on his face. This part of the training continued for another fifteen minutes and when it ended, they scored nothing.

“As you can see, you can never let your guard down. Even if the first part of the game seems easy, you should play as much as you can. You may never know what changes could be made to the team you will be facing. Now, let’s mix the teams.” Wilds said and Jack felt a wave of resentment towards her.

She did that to teach them a lesson? What were they, kids?

The rest of the training went rather smoothly, with Minyard just standing there, not trying to guard any goals unless it was Jack who was shooting. For some reason, Andrew Minyard blocked him every step of the way and sent his balls flying to Josten or Kevin. _The amazing trio._

Jack left the first training session pissed off and with a strong hatred towards Josten and Minyard.

*

Next sessions didn’t get any better. Kevin wasn’t paying him much attention, at least not more than he was to others, and most of his talks consisted of listing all of the team's shortcomings. Jack assumed that it would look like this, but he always assumed that he would be standing next to Kevin and nodding his head in agreement, fully knowing it didn’t include him.

But Jack could deal with Kevin’s rants. He even learned to listen to Wilds, because even though she wasn’t a genius, she was a decent player and she had a presence of the leader.

But whenever Josten opened his mouth in his vice-captain glory, Jack’s blood boiled.

“You have to remember that no matter what you think of your teammates, they are the ones who will stand by you throughout the whole match…”

“So we shouldn’t really endanger them by mouthing off to the press? For example?” He interrupted at one point and got a delighted snicker from the girl from before.

“Excuse me?” Josten was short and even with his scars that spoke of the life he must’ve had, not really intimidating.

“Just asking, since you are clearly an expert on the subject of trusting your team.” Wymack told them all about what happened last year and Josten, or rather, Wesninski’s involvement. It only made Jack despise him even more.

“Well, I’m an expert since I didn’t trust them enough and look what happened.” Josten replied and tried to continue, but Jack was too pissed off and too disappointed to let him.

“So maybe you should shut your mouth and stop acting like a saint, how about that?” Josten looked as if he wanted to reply, but thought better of it.

“Oh my. Josten you got served. I hope you feel ashamed, such a stellar player with impeccable record and wonderful rapport with the press just put you in your place.” That was Minyard the goalkeeper and for a moment, Jack was sure he was backing him up. But then Minyard continued.”You shouldn’t really speak about team building until you beat up your teammate for being gay and out him to the press, right, Jack?”

When he turned to look into Andrew Minyard’s eyes, he was met with such a terrifying stare that he couldn’t answer. Not right away. When he finally found his voice, it was too late. The conversation moved on and Josten continued as if he wasn’t interrupted at all.

It was fucking humiliating.

How did Minyard know? It was in his sophomore year in high school, why would he know? Did he do a research on Jack? Why? And fucking Josten…

It was hard to acknowledge, but Kevin didn’t back him up either.

He hated this team.

*

“You think you can order me around just because you fuck Minyard?” Frankly, he didn’t know if Josten and Minyard had anything going on between them, but he had to admit that he was afraid of Andrew and on these rare occasions when Minyard actually looked at him with these dangerous, cold eyes, it was always about Josten. So his mind did the most logical jump. 

“No. I think I can order you around because I’m your vice-captain, or are you unaware of how ranks work?” His fist moved quickly and his punch got Josten in the face. Thankfully, they were outside the court and no teammate would interrupt this little show of strength. Josten was shorter than him and less used to fights, this would be nothing hard to put him in his place and finally establish proper hierarchy in the team.

Josten swayed but returned the punch. It was actually surprising, but it didn’t hurt that much. Still, some retaliation was needed, so this time, he aimed his fist at Josten’s sternum. What was supposed to be a mere intimidation changed into no holds barred brawl and Jack was almost enjoying it, as he exchnaged the punches and kicks, ignoring the pain and dealing the most underhanded blows he could think of.

He could win!

And then someone caught his hand and threw him into the wall.

When he turned around, Josten was standing in front of him moving his hand and checking if the joints worked as they should.

Then, Jack turned to his left.

There he was. Andrew Minyard, his expression bored as always.

“Beating him into submission never works, trust me.” _Wait, what?_

“You are! You actually are faggots!” Jack exclaimed, accusation and anger evident in his voice. How could they be? Josten made sense, he was small and rather pretty, but Minyard? Brutal and terrifying Minyard was a fairy? Jack felt betrayed. The man he had been fearing was a fraud.

“I really don’t like this word, you know?” Minyard’s tone was calm and despite the revelation from moment ago, it still made Jack shiver. “I wanted to give you to papa Kevin to talk to you about injuring your own teammates and making two players useless so close to the match, but maybe… Maybe you need special attention.”

“Andrew, I can handle him.”Josten said, stepping closer to Minyard.

“I don’t doubt it, you can talk him to death and then bleed out saying you are fine. We’ve been here before,” Minyard replied, but he did back off a little. How could this man be so calm? He was gay, he was abnormal for God’s sake! And he was a pansy, so why was Jack so cowered? _Move, move, dammnit, show them…_

“You are all sick!” He finally managed. Minyard just glanced at him.

“Other breaking news, water’s wet.” Josten answered instead, with something like a small smile on his lips as he glanced at Minyard. What was wrong with them? How could they stand there and not be afraid? Jack could expose them, could… He couldn’t beat them, that’s for sure. Jack didn’t know much about Andrew Minyard, but he knew a lot about power and strength. Minyard was untouchable and if he tried to fight him, he would lose. But Josten…

“We are going to have a talk with Kevin, he wouldn’t be very proud of you. You are his protégée and yet you are so disappointing, putting your personal problems higher than exy. Maybe you should train instead of running your mouth?” That was Josten and Jack wanted to punch him once more. But he didn’t. The mention of Kevin stung, no matter how he tried to convince himself it didn't.

Now that they stood together, Josten seemed somehow scarier. But Jack was too angry.

“How could any of others work with you? You fuck dudes!”

“How could Aaron and Allison work with you when you fuck blondes?” Minyard replied and Josten sent him a look that Jack couldn’t interpret. Not that he wanted to. How did Minyard know?

“It’s not the same, you…” He didn’t finish, because Minyard moved too fast for Jack to react and suddenly he had a knife against his throat.

“You seem to be under a grave misunderstanding here. You can still yap because Josten asked me not to intervene. But he does not give me orders and I don’t care about exy enough to mourn a loss of one player so are you sure you want to test my tolerance for your stupidity?” Jack kept quiet.

Then Minyard moved away and joined Josten at ignoring Jack completely, he started to look at Josten’s face, searching for bruises. It was awfully tender of a man who has just threatened to kill a person and Jack suddenly wanted to be anywhere but here.

“You really need to start taking lessons from Renee. Your face is nothing much to look at on a good day, but right now you’re an eye-sore.” Josten didn’t answer, but he had this strange, fond smile on his face and finally, finally, they moved away.

When they got into a car, Jack finally allowed himself to get up from the ground.

For a moment, he wondered why Minyard was even here, when after the training he left with other Minyard and Hemmick? They were gone, so why…? It didn’t matter. Maybe Jack didn’t have enough strength to take down Minyard, maybe he wasn’t good enough to impress Kevin, but he wouldn’t lose to Josten, not after tonight.

After all, Minyard would be gone someday.

Still, as he made his way to the dorms, he couldn’t forget the tender way Josten looked at Minyard. There was nothing tender about the blond midget and for a moment Jack was afraid of Josten too. How fucked up did you have to be to look at Minyard and find anything else than a terrifying monster there?

When he finally went to his bed, his face hurting and his head a mess, he started to wonder, if he would be stronger too, if he had anyone to look at him as Josten did at Minyard.

He squashed the thought.

He was a man.

His strength was his own.

_Josten was going to pay._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right, so I wanted Jack to be obsessed with strength and power, the way children that are powerless against their abusive parents sometimes are. I wanted him not be homophobe because he is gay himslef, but because it wasn't something he considered masculine and for him masculinity = power. I must admit I didn't remember much about Jack from what I've read about him on the author's notes and I couldn;t find the posts about him, so he was created from what I remembered. Gosh, I suck at research.
> 
> Aaand I wanted to write Andrew and Neil interacting more. 
> 
> I hope you liked it and see you in the last chapter!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm aaaliveeeeee. Not for long, but I am.
> 
> I want to thank you so much for your comments and kudos and I am truly happy that I could share this bunch of headcanons with you. I hope you enjoyed this ride as much as I did :-)

Neil was never any good at his emotions.

He acknowledged that he could be a little obtuse when it came to telling people anything about his feelings and how much people in general meant to him. It was new, it was hard and it was still dangerous in some way, so he made baby steps. He was getting better. And at least he wasn’t Andrew. Andrew acted, not talked and in some way was better than spawning empty words, Neil knew that. Yet sometimes… Just sometimes, he would be perfectly happy to hear Andrew talk about him.

About what they were. It wasn’t like he needed a label or any declarations but… But he could see how much the rest of the team meant to Andrew. Sure, they probably couldn’t see it, couldn’t notice it because Andrew’s behavior was out of their scope of understanding, but Neil noticed. And sometimes, just sometimes… He wanted to feel special too.

Nicky for example. Nicky always complained that Andrew didn’t pay him any attention but Nicky couldn’t see the obvious – since the beginning, Andrew protected him without any kind of a deal. He was simply protective of him because he liked Nicky. And yes, Neil was aware that he was getting ahead of himself using word as ‘like’ in regards to Andrew, but translating from Minyard to Human, it was essentially true. For Andrew who believed in deals and promises, protecting Nicky without asking for anything in return, that was caring. Of course, if Neil was to say anything about to Nicky, he wouldn’t be believed. And in Andrew’s black books for a while. So he kept silent, seeing what Nicky couldn’t and wondered… Was he missing something in Andrew’s behavior too? Not possible. He was practically an expert on Minyrads and he knew that even though Andrew refused to acknowledge anything going on between them, didn’t mean there was nothing. And yet… It sometimes hurt to observe others.

As a vice-captain he had plenty of time to observe his teammates, both new and old. As he was standing on the sidelines he could see and think, not only about strategy but also about the tea, itself. And Andrew, always Andrew.

Matt... Even though Neil knew now the full story behind Matt’s shock rehab, he still wondered sometimes. Andrew seemed to… like Matt? Tolerate him more than the rest of the team? There was some unspoken understanding between them, a great dose of respect. They didn’t always see eye to eye, Neil was aware, but still. There was some degree of trust here. Sometimes Neil wished that he could inspire such feelings in others. To give people feeling that they can depend on him, that he was strong enough to support them. Especially Matt, the man who welcomed Neil and protected him as fiercely as he could, who accepted him with all of his flaws and lies. Neil wanted to somehow return the favour. To inspire in Matt feelings Matt inspired in Neil. Maybe if he was more like Andrew…

As they went through another training under Kevin’s despotic rule, Neil noticed the heated glares Jack and his new acolyte were sending him. He didn’t care. Contrary to popular belief, he could deal with them without Andrew’s help. After his stare-down with Moriyamas, few things could make Neil scared. Nicky called it a “pathological lack of survival instinct” but Neil liked to think about it as being free. Nevertheless, sometimes he wished he could be seen as dangerous, as unhinged. Untouchable. Like Andrew. Even though it wasn’t true, even though Andrew was painfully human, this aura of madness that surrounded him was useful. After the last confrontation Jack seemed reluctant to approach Neil where Andrew could see and avoided both of them all together. But Neil was good at observing people. Jack was afraid of Andrew. Sometimes, Neil wanted people to be afraid of him too. He always felt a wave of disgust for himself after thinking that. That was Nathan Wesninski thought. He reveled in fear he inspired in others. And Neil was no longer part of that. He was better. Stronger. He didn’t need people to fear him, even if it could be damned useful some times.

“Are you plotting, or just spacing out?” Neil almost jumped. When he turned he was face to face with Renee. “I know you love exy and all, but the look on your face seems more… personal. Anything I can help with?” Neil was ready to refuse and ask her to go, his old instincts kicking in, but he stopped himself.

Even though Renee still gave him a strange vibe and he would probably never trust her completely, she was a friend. She has proven that multiple times, so instead of denying outright, he took his time to contemplate on the answer. Renee was the only person who understood Andrew as well as him, maybe even better. She could tell him. Andrew considered her equal, a valuable ally. He trusted her with his rage and with his secrets. Could Neil do that too? No. The real question was, could Neil become like her – trustworthy and important?

“Lack of self-esteem doesn’t suit you, you’ve outworn it last year.“ She prompted and Neil sighed.

“I am wondering about Andrew.” He replied, finally, not looking at her.

He moved his head so that he could look at the goal where Andrew was busy antagonizing Jack. Of course he was. At least he was practicing instead of just standing there and watching. Jack may prove to be a valuable asset indeed.

“Oh? What did he do?” Renee’s voice was gentle as always, and somehow amused. Like she already knew what was troubling him. That’s why she made him scared a little, even after all this time.

“Nothing. It’s just… For a man who claims that he doesn’t care about people and wants nothing he has a lot of relationships, don’t you think?” Renee simply smiled.

“Too many?” She offered. Neil kept silent. On the court Kevin started to tear Jack a new one and even though his newly found croon kept defending him, Jack didn’t look particularly smug or assured. Sometimes Neil pitied him. But then the kid opened his mouth and the feeling went away as quickly as it appeared.

He moved his eyes to Andrew. He looked as bored as ever, but there was something about him that betrayed that he enjoyed Jack’s humiliation. When he noticed Neil observing him, he simply shrugged and then let Allison’s shot safely inside the goal. She started to shout at him for that and even from the distance Neil could hear her complaints about lack of challenge and real practice.

“Not too many, no.” He finally replied, turning to face Renee. “They simply baffle me sometimes. I understand them, I understand why Andrew has them and I am happy he does but…” he trailed off, not sure how to put into words what exactly he felt. Renee seemed to understand, though. She always did.

“I was always amazed at how people treat him as support when they need it and like a monster when they don’t. And then he found you.” She replied and Neil had to lower his eyes.

“You know I… I am not sure if I would be able to be support to anyone.” He finally admitted. She shook her head slowly.

“Not like Andrew, no. But Neil, you are the only who could support him. The only one who could get through to him and ultimately help him.”She said, her lips forming a small, fond smile. “If you had played any MMORPG games I would say that Andrew is our tank – strong, aggressive and enemies fear him.“ When Neil gave her a surprised look, she chuckled. “We will make a gamer out of you at some point, I promise. But, to continue with my analogy, you are not a tank. You’re a healer. You make him live. And all of us, for that matter. Look how many relationships you’ve created through this one year.” Here she gave him a smile and Neil returned it, trying to come up with an answer. A healer? He didn’t think so…

But then again, Wymack told him countless times that he was a godsend to this team and asked him to smooth over any conflicts inside it, so maybe?

Both him and Renee were called back to the court, their team ready to relieve the previous one in drilling old strategies into the brains of newbies.

As he passed him, Andrew gave him a look. What the look was supposed to convey, Neil didn’t know, but it made him better anyways.

*

In the evening, finally in his room and with his muscles still tingling after effort, Neil had the time to sit down and think.

Andrew wasin the other room playing, not bothering to put on headphones. Fantasy maybe, judging from the music?

His mind went back to what Renee’s said. Something about a tank, a healer?

He sat up on his bed and decided to join Andrew.

Although his arrival didn’t even cause Andrew to move his eyes from the screen, he moved a little so that Neil could sit on the couch next to him. Indeed, Andrew was moving around as a warrior with a sword of some kind, slaying strange creatures in his path. At least the music was nice, although sometimes it got interrupted by shrieks of murdered creatures.

“Why this game?” It didn’t look like something Andrew normally would enjoy.

“Renee insisted.” Renee… Of course.

“What is a tank?” This got Andrew’s attention because he stopped the game just to give Neil an unimpressed look.

“Poor, uneducated bastard, it’s a mechanized unit…”He started, as if explaining to a child. Neil was in no mood to be sassed at the moment, so he simply interrupted him.

“Not this tank. The one in games.”

“Who fed you this gamer jargon?” Andrew’s eyes got suspicious and out of sheer pettiness Neil contemplated staying silent. Thankfully, his reason kicked in.

“Renee.”

“Oh.” Andrew was silent for a while, putting his game back on and returning to his murder spree. Neil almost gave up, when finally, Andrew spoke.

“A tank is the strongest layer who tries to take majority of the damage on himself, so that the rest of the party can defeat the enemy. “ That… Fit. It truly fit Andrew and his behavior, it also somehow explained Andrew’s place on the team. If exy was some RPG game, Andrew was definitely their tank.

“So, in other words, he is the most important player?” He asked. Andrew stopped the game and turned to look at him, something like understanding shining in his eyes. Understanding and annoyance, as it was often the case with Andrew.

“No, dumbass. That would be the healer.”

_Oh._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing Neil is hard because he was so well-written in the original that I still feel I didn't do him justice, although I gave it my best.
> 
> Since Renee and Andrew discussed zombie apocalypse and some point and I remember the Monsters playing something in their room at some point, I am taking my liberty and claim they could play WOW. Maybe. 
> 
> This chapter is short and I'm not really pleased with it, but once again, I did my best.

**Author's Note:**

> For an assumed sociopath Andrew has a lot of relations with people, I've noticed.
> 
> So after my third re-read of the series, this happened.


End file.
